Darling, some things are meant to be.
Elvis Presley
Fabrizio and I met online. We found each other on match.com and suddenly every single one of the disastrous dates that had preceded our meeting made it all worthwhile. For years I had entertained my friends with stories so wildly implausible that I was forever being urged to write a blog, write a book, share the many moments of hilarity, as well as those of absolute despair, that make up the online dating experience.
“I’ll never remarry”, I’d say. “I don’t even want to live with someone – I want my own place, he can have his, we can visit”. Four months after meeting Fabri, he moved in. My friends, it seemed, had been right, because when they’d heard me say such things they’d always responded in the same way – they knew what I didn’t, that I just hadn’t met the right person yet. “All that’ll change when you meet The One”, they’d say and they were right.
Fast forward three years and here we are sitting on the terrazza of the beach house we’ve rented while we search for our new house in Sicily. With covid-restrictions putting a stop to travel we were forced back online, not to find love this time, but to find home. Sitting in Kildare through the long covid months we swapped out match.com for idealista and casa.it, surfing for hours, imagining a new life, far away from work commitments, grey skies and rain.
The whole process of finding a house on the internet turned out to have much in common with finding a match, only this time, the two of us were searching for something together rather than searching for each other apart. We’d spend hours curled up on the sofa or tucked up in bed, showing each other house after house after house. As with our previous online search we were initially drawn in by cute profile pictures and well crafted descriptions. And then we remembered that just as before, there was treasure to be found by delving a little deeper, being open-minded, considering options that broadened our search and increased our likelihood of success.
The comparison to online dating didn’t end there. Once in Sicily we moved from the endless-witty-banter-via-text-stage to the actual face-to-face, nowhere-to-hide, first date stage, only with houses! In both online dating and online house-hunting the scenario played out in the very same way. I don’t know how many times in the former a little texting would start, a cyber-connection would be made and everything would begin to seem so interesting and full of possibilities. Mr Right was conjured up right then and there on my phone screen and I’d arrive to that first date bursting with optimism and anticipation, certain that this time the algorithms had all lined up. They hadn’t! How often had I thought that a date would be so much better if we sat at opposite ends of the bar and texted each other rather than engage in real conversation. The reality never quite lived up to my imagination. If that famous, or rather infamous ‘spark’ was missing, there was nothing to be done but admit defeat, head home and log on once again. Now that whole cycle was being repeated once again, in stone and terracotta roof tiles. Dating app profiles only tell half the story – the warm, GSOH, interesting, fun half – leaving our faults and eccentricities for another day. Well, it appears estate agents do the very same thing! The wonderful stone baglio with panoramic views and tons of potential, never mentioned the almost totally inaccessible road that led to it and which in turn led us to needing a mechanic to get us back up and running. The villa by the sea posted photos of the garden, the pool, the sea view from the terrace but never thought to say that the permanent construction of the most characteristic part of the building, a beautiful wrap-around terrace where already I was planning long, lazy, Italian lunches, had been added without permission and would need to be demolished. Another property that looked perfect on paper had 42 photos online but not one of them showed the high tension electricity pylon right outside the front door!
Our approach to finding a new home in Sicily took on a sort of manic speed dating vibe. Circumstances at home had meant that I thought I’d only get to join Fabri for three days of our planned three week stay. Hence appointments were set up, plans put in place and 20 houses lined up for viewings over those precious three days. Twenty! We were speed-dating houses! In my head I could hear that little bell ring that signaled time up, move on, next table please! As I ended up being able to stay, I got to see all 34 houses we’d shortlisted (I’m not sure that a number as high as 34 can be considered anywhere close to being a ‘short’ list but that’s what we had arrived at all the same!)
So now, with 34 houses under our belts I’m reminded of the most important lesson that online dating taught me, the one that will run true for our house search too. It only takes one. The one. And as soon as you find ‘the one’, you know it, deep in the core of you and the search can end for good. We found each other. We’ll find our home too.
Some things are meant to be.
